I spent a month of my life sitting with an 88-year-old woman four nights a week. Mary taught me a lot without saying very much. Mary had dementia and there was very little she could remember. Her thoughts were scattered; her sentences sometimes unclear. Her moods changed often and each night was unpredictable.
I found myself very drawn to her. I was challenged by her. I wanted to make a connection. I wanted to see a sparkle behind those eyes. Some indication that her soul was still dancing in there. So I waited for small moments to happen, and I was not disappointed.
Each night, a small window would open and I got a whiff of the real Mary. A fresh breeze of a life lived and of a love story between herself and her husband. One night as she was going through some photos she came across a picture of him. She stared at it for what seemed like hours. I wasn’t sure if she even recognized this handsome man that once shared a life with her. I watched as she stared. I could tell she was thinking and suddenly a smile softly crossed her lips. I knew she knew him, if but for a brief moment. I asked her who it was, and she softly said “that’s him.” A simple statement filled with great love. She was proud he belonged to her. For a brief moment their love embraced her. In my mind, I pictured him all in white smiling and waiting for her to come to him. It wouldn’t be long. This all lasted for just a moment, but I saw her soul dance. I saw her eyes sparkle, and just like that it was gone.
I sat there thinking about my life. About how I know my husband by heart. Would I some day forget him? Will I not remember my son, my family, my life? Will I stare at pictures wondering what it all means? Will my soul stop dancing? Will I be silent? I’m sure Mary never thought she would forget. I’m sure as she was living she didn’t think about forgetting.
As your life unfolds take time to really live it. Take time to enjoy the moment while it is happening. Show your love. Speak your heart. Live your life so that even if you forget, others will remember. They will remember how you made them feel. They will remember what mattered the most to you. They will remember times they spent with you and life lessons you taught them. Be good to others, so when the time comes that you may be struggling to remember your life, they will be there to remind you. They will share the moments. They will wait to make the connection. To see your eyes sparkle and your soul dance.
I didn’t know Mary before my evenings with her. I don’t have moments to share. I don’t know how she would have made me feel. I don’t know what mattered to her. But even through her unclear sentences and scattered thoughts she taught me something. She taught me that true love is never forgotten. Even if we may fade away into a place that others think is untouchable, those that we have loved will always be able to reach us. Their love will be with us, lighting the way, even when it appears all is dark. Every moment may not be remembered, but the memory of love will never be lost forever.
 
JULIE STAHLEY-DORMAN currently resides in Milton but grew up in Mifflinburg. She and her husband of 18 years have a son. To comment, send an e-mail to DORMAN50@msn.com.