Dear Elizabeth Warren — please don’t run for president in 2020. As polarizing as our current leader is, your candidacy would do even more to divide the country. Like it or not, your prospective platform would give the Trump supporters ample ammunition to say, “We told you so ... this is exactly why we voted for Donald Trump.” Your supporters would of course counter, “And that’s why Trump needs to go.” Rioting in the streets, families torn apart and Vladimir Putin smiling all the way to the luxury liner he boards to take over his new territory.
Dear Oprah Winfrey — ditto. Only the crowd would pit Hollywood elites against the blue-collar crowd. Once again country divided, voting chaotic, clashes in the streets and Putin wins.
Dear Laura Ingraham – everyone heard you say that our national demographic had drastically changed. If you didn’t infer race than what? If you meant the increasing income inequality, and the fact that people like yourself amount to less than 3 percent of the population but control more than 70 percent of the money ... well, you would have said it. Besides, income inequality is not an ultra-conservative issue. Actually it’s pretty much the opposite. You all want the wealthy to stay wealthy and the poor to stay poor. Admit it, you goofed and you’re a bigot.
Dear Sean Hannity — I try to watch you every now and then to get the view of the other side. However, it hurts too much. I can feel my IQ dropping with every word that comes out of your mouth. You insult my intelligence and that of every person in the United States. We are not elites, far from it. We are sick and tired of your parroting the president. If CNN and MSNBC lean left, you have fallen off the right side of a cliff. No, I take it back. You are, like the president, a party, a philosophy and an illness unto yourself. Do us all a favor and retire to become The Donald’s next-door-neighbor.
Dear Paul Ryan — there was a time, back in 2016, when it appeared you’d stand up for those of us who are true conservative Republicans and take Donald Trump to task. I even thought you might have made a good candidate for that office. Then all my “way-to-goes,” turned into “oh-hell-noes,” when you stood smiling next to the man you once considered unfit for the highest office in the land. Have a nice retirement. I’m sure with your guaranteed pension and Cadillac health insurance paid by the rest of us you’ll be much better off than all of us.
Dear Sarah Sanders — I am truly sorry your life has been so miserable of late. There have been times when the media has taken you to task for simply doing your job. And isn’t that the best any of us working stiffs can wish to attain ... doing exactly what our bosses want? You probably took a lot more flack than was necessary. Then again, you said yes to Donald Trump and loyally stood by his side. You made a choice. As your boss has so frequently shown in word and deed, no one is due respect just because they have a title, even President of the United States. Better luck in your next job search. I’m sure you can do better.
Dear Mike Pence — sorry to burst your bubble, but like Sarah you chose The Donald to be your ticket to the presidency. And that’s just not happening. I respect your faith because I’m pretty sure I’m of the same religious persuasion. Ever hear of Psalm 1:1 — “How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers.” How about 2 Corinthians 6:14 — “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and unlawfulness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” And especially Proverbs 23:6 — “Do not eat the bread of a selfish man, or desire his delicacies.” Enough said.
Dear John McCain — I am very sorry. I’m sorry that you are so ill, sorry for what you endured for your country and the rest of us, and sorry you didn’t win in 2008. I just finished your book, “The Restless Wave.” It was probably the best autobiographical work I’ve ever read because you told it as you saw it, even when the picture didn’t always paint you in the best light. It made me proud to have stood by the Republican Party of Ronald Reagan for most of my life, and just as proud to have rebelled when it became the Party of Trump. You made me remember that the United States does stand out above the rest and should hold the standard for all others to achieve. We have since forgotten such when our current leader said things like, “What, you think the United States hasn’t done bad things?” I know it’s too little too late but “Thank you for your service!”
Dear Donald Trump — when a Roman soldier had betrayed his command he was asked to fall on his sword. I’m suggesting no such thing. Just go home. Leave the rest of us to work out our differences without your acerbic commentary and incendiary speech. You are responsible for pitting American against American, for fomenting unrest and even inciting some to riot. You are the wedge that divides and nothing you are capable of doing will ever unite this country. If you’ve done your best ... you have grievously wounded your country and very possibly initiated its decline. Go home.
Mike Tischio is a freelance columnist living in Union County. To comment, simply email firstname.lastname@example.org.